This article is my own personal view of living in a 24/7 relationship.
Rules of This House!
Rule 1: Master is always right.
Rule 2: If Master is ever wrong, please refer to rule number one!
One of my Master’s favourite sayings is “This is a
dictatorship, NOT a democracy, and I am the BOSS!” and that is certainly true in our life.
Living in a D/s relationship is extremely interesting and at times
very challenging. You really do have to change your whole way of thinking, and of how you look at life. When i first began
to see my Master, i didn’t dream for one minute that i would end up being Collared to Him, let alone become His life
partner and move in with Him too! However, as time went on, it became obvious to us both, that what we have is something rare
and special, and though it may not be everyone’s idea of paradise, for Master and for me, it is a winning formula.
A lot of people in the Lifestyle may think that living in a 24/7
would be the ultimate, and i guess for me it is, but it is not always easy, and there are many speed bumps to be negotiated
along the way. The simple act of living together is difficult enough in a vanilla relationship – when the relationship
is D/s, it brings a whole new set of conditions to adjust to. For example, in a vanilla relationship, the decision about where
things are put becomes a joint one - a discussion between two people about what looks or works best.
In our relationship, Master decides what goes where – i
can, and do, respectfully suggest things, and sometimes my suggestions are taken up, but in the end, the final say is Master’s
– even down to which side of the sink shall we put the soap!
I do struggle with this concept at times, especially over things
that seem important to me, yet perhaps trivial to Master. I struggle with the fact that it’s not my place to worry over
something, that it’s not my place to make a comment about something, even if whatever it may be, concerns me directly.
I made many mistakes in the early days of our relationship, and i still do make them, possibly because i have always been
an independent person, in control of my own life, and now, though i have chosen to give that up, it is still hard to change
my way of thinking in some respects.
The basis for our relationship is D/s and no matter what situation
we are in, i never, ever forget that He is Master and i am submissive.
At home, things are often very relaxed and we do have vanilla
moments, we laugh and joke around, we do “normal” things, but in an instant that can change, and with a simple
look or a word, Master can have my heart racing and my mind in a turmoil as He puts me firmly back in my place.
We are always trying to balance the vanilla side with the D/s
side, and it is often a tightrope walk with egg shells underneath, though as time goes on, we are getting better at the balancing
act. There are times when i feel as if i want more D/s, but as a submissive i know that this is not about me, it is about
my Master - His wants and His needs are paramount, and i remind myself of this now and again. If i forget, then Master will
remind me! It can’t be full on D/s all the time, that would be hard work for Master, and i believe eventually we would
come to resent each other, He for having to “Dom” me all the time, and me for being “under His thumb”
every minute of the day. It would destroy us in the end.
There is a lot more D/s going on than most people would realise
though, a glance, a certain tone in His voice, a simple request for a cup of tea, they may all seem like normal things, but
the way its done leaves no doubt in my mind just who is in control.
The way i look at my life is very different now. Getting my head
around some things has taken time, but i am secure and confident and know exactly who and what i am, and i am totally comfortable
with it. Being Master’s property means that i am, in essence, just like other things He owns - the tv, the stereo, the
computer, the new bed – they are all items of property, just like me.
The new bed we picked out is not our
bed - it is Master’s bed –
the bed i am permitted to share, knowing that at any time i can be told to sleep elsewhere.
Because i am Master’s property, whatever items i bring to
the house become His, He owns me, therefore He owns my things too – of course that is within reason, and i honestly
cannot see Master claiming ownership of my old teddy bear for example!
My life is probably a little different to other submissives who
live in a 24/7 though, because of the fact that my Master not only owns other submissives, but also gives demonstrations and
teaches the arts of BDSM to various people. This means that i not only have to accept that He needs to give His time and His
particular brand of D/s to His other submissives, but also i am confronted with Him playing with other people too. Because
i am very secure in my relationship with Master, this doesn’t pose a problem for me now, though in the earlier days,
i found it hard to get my head around things like that. I know that Master plays with me differently to anyone else, and He
never ever hides anything from me either – i often watch other sessions, which also helps me to understand things, and
i learn something new from every one.
I think that living in a D/s relationship requires a huge amount
of trust, honesty, and communication - more so perhaps than in a vanilla relationship, though those qualities are important
no matter what situation two people are in.
However, because of the very nature of the dynamics of a D/s relationship,
there has to be complete and utter trust and honesty, and that can only come with good communication. As a submissive, i have
given control of every aspect of my life to my Master, therefore i must trust Him to make the right decisions for me, so that
my life is one of happiness and fulfilment.
I must also be totally honest about everything, because how can
He make an informed and correct decision for me, if i don’t tell Him the whole truth?
From Master’s point of view, He must also be totally honest
with me because otherwise how could i trust Him with my life if He wasn’t? He
has a responsibility to take care of me, to keep me safe and secure – and it is not something that should be taken lightly.
We both need to be able to communicate our thoughts and feelings in order for this to be a successful and lasting relationship.
A good D/s relationship needs consistency too. I know the rules
and if i break them i know the consequences. Master is consistent in everything He does and says. I know if He says something
is going to happen, then it will. I know if He says something will not happen, then it won’t.
So with consistency and honesty comes trust and communication,
i know that i can trust His word in everything, and I know He will listen to me and will communicate His own feelings to me
For me, this relationship is the most complete i have ever been
in. There is no part missing, no part of me left unfulfilled or wanting, no part wondering if there is more to life than what
i have. I have given Master the “whole girl”- He has my mind, my body, my heart and my soul. I serve Him with
that in mind all the time, and i give Him all of me, and in return He fills my needs. People may believe that i give more
than He does in our relationship, but in my view, He gives me so much, He gives me security, safety, love and laughter, and
the control i crave. Really, we fill each other’s needs - i need to be flogged and spanked and played with - He needs
to do those things. I need the security and control - He needs to give that. We are like two halves of the whole, and without
doubt it is the right way for us.
Our life can be frustrating and fraught with speed bumps, just
like any other relationship, but when combined with the basic undercurrent of D/s, the boundaries are more clearly defined,
and therefore it is a more consistent feeling all the time. I am secure in the knowledge that Master loves me, that i am owned
by Him, and I know that fact will never change or waiver no matter what happens.
If i misbehave, He may get angry, He may well stand me in the
corner, or punish me, but His love is a constant in my life.
I have changed a lot since moving in with Master, i am much more
aware of the dynamics of what we share, and the fact that my behaviour is a direct reflection on Him and of the way He has
I am very conscious of that when we are out in public, and knowing i wear His Collar around my neck, with a tag on that reads “Property of MJ”,
fills me with pride and happiness, and i believe my behaviour reflects those feelings.
I know that i try harder to please Him than i have ever tried
to please another person. I know that He is without doubt, the most important person in my life along with my son.
Nothing else matters, only His presence in my life - His happiness
The utter joy i feel when i wake up each morning and know, that
again, i will serve His tea, sit at His feet and do whatever He asks to the best of my ability, proves that living in a D/s
relationship is right for me.
© Kim Debron 2005